Listen with intent to understand …

Why is it prudent to understand what a person is thinking and how they are feeling before taking action that will affect them? Beyond respect first and foremost, the answer is not complicated, but first …

Richard finished our June post with …

“It seems to me that the ‘hardest’ thing about Job Relations is overcoming the ‘fear’ of interacting with another human being. I like to think of those two lines on the card as one sentence: Talk with individuals concerned in order to get their opinions and feelings. But most people seem to think it means talk with individuals concerned in order to lay down the law. The line, ‘get their opinions and feelings’, is what people are afraid of.”

Before getting onto the points of this post, there are elements of Richard’s paragraph that may need to be reminded or explained briefly.

• ‘Job Relations’ represents a routine that, when practiced, will develop and embed foundational leadership skills.

• ‘The card’ is a two sided pocket card containing a summary of the Job Relations routines.

• In ‘HANDLING A PROBLEM’ (the back of the above card), the first step is to obtain all the facts. Two of the four ‘substeps’ are a) talk with individuals, b) get their opinions and feelings.

A little more about Job Relations. It is a Plan, Do, Check, Adjust / scientific thinking based practice routine ‘with a people aspect’. There are essentially three elements of the routine that make up the people aspect. The first element is our underlying topic of this post – people’s thoughts and feelings are part of the current state.

Back to our opening question … Why is it prudent to understand what a person is thinking and how they are feeling before taking action that will affect them?

Our thoughts and feelings are in that space between what comes our way and how we react to what has just come our way. If a leader has intent to end up with a different outcome to that presently, then Einstein will tell us something must change (otherwise insanity reigns). Therefore, something new or different will be coming the persons way.

Furthermore, if a leader first understands a person’s thoughts and feelings on a matter, the possible actions or at least the mechanics of action delivery may well be adjusted.

At no stage are we saying here that a leader bows to the thoughts and feelings of others and thus the necessary outcome is compromised. Perhaps it’s this aspect that brings about the fear Richard referred to … ‘If a person thinks a) and feels b), then I have to placate those thoughts and opinions.’ No, that’s not the case, but respect, yes absolutely. What stays etched in people’s memories is how a leader made them feel, how they showed up, and the moments they were fully human. (This line comes from this article which is short and well worth a read. Thank you Scott Copple.)

We’re simply saying once known, thoughts and feelings can be respected and considered on the way to the necessary outcome, thus perhaps adjusting the pathway, but without compromising the end result … “I understand and respect your point of view, now …”

Additionally, at no stage when ‘talking with individuals and getting their opinions and feelings’ (one sentence, one action as Richard said) are the leaders opinions and feelings of the person’s opinions and feelings important! It’s quite simple really. If the leader doesn’t know what the person is thinking and how they’re feeling, the whole story is not gotten, the next step won’t be fully informed.

If you’re a leader and intending to move forward together with your people, you need to know what they are thinking and how they are feeling. Perhaps the above can be summarised by ‘listen with intent to understand, there’s no need to reply (except to acknowledge)’. (Adapted from Stephen Covey quote.)